“Can a woman ask a man what he brings to the table?” huh? Let me understand your question, “You want to know if a woman should be concerned with whether or not the man she intends to spend the rest of her life with can protect and provide for her?”
Me: “Naw fam, she should just cross her fingers and hope for the best.” Because it’s every woman’s dream to live in a cardboard house under a bridge, eating daily scraps from the trash heap of local restaurants and giving birth to her children next to the stray cats and dogs because you both have no healthcare. You really know how to woo a gal…. Where do I sign up??? NOT!!
Biblically speaking, But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8. And that’s on…The Word of God. And whether you subscribe to any sort of religion or not, as far back as colonial times in Europe, men were protectors, providers and played an active role in rearing their children by teaching them to read, write, hunt, etc. In the various tribes in Africa it was the same…the men protected and provided for their families. Even the male species of most animals, do this…It’s not unusual.
Like I said previously, the whole Ride or die chick and struggle love movement has made some men too comfortable and confused. There has not been a time, past or present when men were not expected to provide for a family he wants. This is why men had to prove to a woman’s family that he could provide for them before they actually got married. And if this practice was still in place, chile, a lot of these men would be in trouble.
You say you want a woman to go half on everything, because it’s not the 1940s anymore, but at the same time, you want a woman to be submissive and do all the home administration like the 1940s. Well, this ain’t Burger King, and you’re not having it your way. A lot of women are calling bull spit on this faulty logic.
Like I stated to one man, “If I’m already taking care of myself, asking me what I bring to the table is moot.” So, if you want half the bills, are you doing half the home administration, etc? Crickets chirping and tumble weed rolls through waiting on a response….
Basically, what’s the incentive? African American women are out enrolling our male counterparts in institutions of higher education and completing degrees.
The data shows the following:
- of the total Black population with an Associate Degree, 68% are female and 32% are male;
- of the total Black population with a Bachelor’s Degree, 66% are female and 34% are male;
- of the total Black population with a Master’s Degree, 71% are female and 29% are male;
- of the total Black population with a Doctor’s Degree, 65% are female and 35% are male.
Degrees lead to the possibility of better paying jobs. The majority of the AA women I know have at least one degree and they can hold their own financially. So, sir, the question is, “what are you bringing to the table?” I hope not this misogynistic archaic faulty logic. No one has time for that. If a woman is already taking care of herself, and a man has this kind of attitude, why should she subject herself to paying half for headaches. She can stay single, go get artificially inseminated if she wants a child and just date on occasion.
Another man said, “What law says a man gotta take care of a woman? I ain’t caring for no fuck buddy.”
“Sir, you stupid.” Tell me you lack cognitive ability, without telling me you lack cognitive ability. First off, no one said that. And there are laws governing your responsibility to take care of a woman if you are legally married to her and in some states to women that you’ve cohabitated with like a wife…which is why in a divorce, she can get alimony or in the latter case, palimony. So, again, “you stupid.” And this is what I’m talking about when men respond to situations in an unhealthy way. No man that is emotionally intelligent would say such a thing.
Alimony: financial support that a person is ordered by a court to give to their spouse during separation or following divorce.
Palimony: is a colloquial term used to refer to a court’s award of financial support or assets to one party of a non-marital relationship following a break-up.
How are you a man wanting a woman that is already financially capable to submit to you if you aren’t even cognizant of the fact that you as a man are required to protect and provide for her and the possible children, dog, goldfish, turtle, etc. Make it make sense.
I’ve not heard of this in other races or ethnicities, where White men, Asian men, Caribbean or African men are asking their women, what they bring to the table. Even when Black American men become wealthy and suddenly find themselves with women of non-color, they are willing to protect and provide. However, the Black American woman, she gotta bust up her knuckles, do all the housework and still be able to go monkey on that stick at the end of the night…and do it all with a smile.
Then we have the ones telling Black women that we need to lower our standards. Asking, “Why do some BW want men that make over six figures?” Because that’s her business. If you ain’t got it, move on. Because trust me, if she’s used to vacations overseas twice a year and she’s rocking designers, and you know your money can barely get you a weekend in Myrtle Beach, SC, then she ain’t the one for you fam.
The bottom line is, there are a number of AA women that out earn AA men. AA women that own their own houses, cars, got good credit, etc. If you’re coming to the table, you have to be prepared to show, you can add value to her life.
- are you a nice person
- are you doing the inner work to heal yourself of emotional wounds
- are you in a good space spiritually
- do you have a plan
- are you going to respect the household and help out around the house
Honestly, a lot of women are waking up to the fact that they can do just fine by themselves. And it’s not hard to find a lil something, something when we get that itch. I can go in my inbox right now and probably find a few propositions. Or in the words of a TikToker I follow, “I can go outside and literally walk into a bag of d***s.”
As a man, you will always be expected to protect and provide. That is the way God designed it. Women are naturally hypergamous. Hypergamy is the act or practice of courting or marrying a person of a higher socioeconomic or social class than oneself. Translation: Dating or marrying up. Hypergamy as a means of upward social mobility for women is nothing new. If you are at odds with that reality, maybe a vasectomy is a good idea. Let’s face it, we have a enough laws and people telling women what to do with their reproductive systems, and not any governing the reckless habits of men skeeting off in a myriad of women and not having the means to protect and provide for the humans they create and then turning around blaming the women when it took two to procreate. For instance…
Tennessee man paying child support for 21 kids. And I use the words “child support” loosely because the amount was so trivial that no child could actually be supported by less than $2 a month. In his words, “I’m done,” Hatchett said. “Hopefully I’m done. I didn’t intend to have this many. It just happened.” How sway??? Just how? Yet, we still don’t have any laws for the male reproductive system….make it make sense.